I always try to update a personal journal of lessons learnt. This year, few
days after my birthday in August, I wrote a couple of lessons for the month and
thought I should share some of them here with Africa and our friends from other
continents.
We never know it all
Knowledge is always evolving and what
we need to know keeps increasing everyday. If we choose to stop learning at any
point, we are prone to miss out the details. There is always a tendency to think
that because we belong to a kind of profession and have read and heard a lot
about a particular subject, we know everything about it. For instance, if you took
time to considerably study the subject of youth lifestyle five years ago, what
you read back then might not be reasonably applicable today. The least we
should do is check again or review the previous study. Probe to know more, do
not just assume.
Understand where people are coming
from
The experience of other people matters.
It is a major determinant of who you see in them. The kind of upbringing they had,
friends they keep and decisions they have made all contribute to the definition
of their personalities. As a person, the next set of goals shapes my persona.
Beyond that, my experiences, the churches I have attended and lessons learnt from
other people and various books influence most of my decisions today. For
someone else, it could be primarily their childhood experiences or a counsellor’s
advice that inform their decisions and form their personae. Take time to
observe people and discover where they are coming from before forming solid
impressions about them.
When to keep it short & simple
When having formal conversations, try to keep it short. Mention the
details in a brief and effective way. Except for a few compulsory cases, people
do not have the time to read short stories, in your formal memo or internal
communiqué. When communicating informally with people whose behaviour has not
been ascertained (people who do not know you beyond the radius of a small social
circumference), avoid big talk. Keep your grammar and divulgence simple. Flow
with the communication structure of the group. Even if the sanguine part of you
wants to create verbosity, try your best to cut it short. If you are not
comfortable with it, change your group.
“Try to keep your sentences short and
simple. These days, people can be relatively self-seeking and silently
critical. Those who need to read what you write or hear what you say usually
ignore it. They either think they do not need it or simply prefer to engage in other
entertainment activities.”
Kindly confrontation works
When people do something that you
think they should not do, correct them kindly or at least, ask them why they do
it in a respectful way. It always pays to find out why rather than just judge
people. Unless your job description says you should decry people, do not engage
in open or absolute criticism as a problem-solving tool. Nobody likes it and
really, it hardly works. Spare the allocation of blames for the jobless and
turn your focus to problem resolution. Attack issues not persons.
Assess yourself & your friendships
Evaluate your performance within the
context of your plans and justify your progress. If you have had principles
about the way you welcome intimate friends into your life and it is working for
you, do not stop it. If you do, it might just create a BIG MESS. However, you
may seek ways of improving the process and enlarge your network. Screen
everybody with the same measure regardless of their status. But, be sure to act
humbly. Probe to know why they are getting so close. Do not compromise
unnecessarily; human beings are nothing more than who they really are –imperfect
creatures consistently seeking perfection through imperfection. Define and
regulate your friendships; it is a means of regulating yourself too. As humans,
we need upholding structures in our lives. Given the right circumstances,
anybody can become a devil.
Confidence is not pride
CONFIDENCE is not equal to PRIDE. Really,
I do not know how else to explain this. If you are a confident and meek person,
let people see both sides of you and make their choice. If convinced that you
are a good person, do not always try to be who you are not because you want to
please people. If you do so too often, you will have regrets. Besides, in
formal settings, people increase their perception of your efficiency when you
exhibit panache and aplomb. No one wants to entrust resources into the hands of
a person that cannot wordlessly convince them about their ability to deliver.
Family members should knit
Everybody needs family. Asides
friends whom you have tested and truly trust, family is all you can ever trust.
If your family does not knit, talk about it and do something about it yourself.
Take the initiative. But, if all efforts fail, create a family amongst your
good friends. You will always need backup emotionally, socially or financially.
If the devil has a family of demons, principalities and the rest and Jesus had
a clique of James, Peter and John, then having one or a combo of family and
friends is not a bad idea.
Another door will open
If a door you deeply need (not want)
to keep open is closing, try your very best to prevent the closure. If the door
eventually closes, cry like a baby if you will. Wail like a child if it helps.
But, do not do either action forever because time is against you. Time does not
understand the meaning of pain; it expects you to heal as early as you can. So,
sit up & get over it. Outgrow it and pour your energy into something else. Many
times, something much better is always ahead. So, forge ahead. If you don’t,
you may lose your chance to find something better. There is always something
better ahead. Try to regain your confidence and move on. Let time fade it out.
Give your friends time
As a regular practice, I criticise my
closest friends constructively but I never do so without a clear objective. You
may be good at something and bad at something else. You do not know everything
yourself so, do not put the weight of perfection on someone else. Sometimes, people
make promises and break them repeatedly until it becomes a habit. As a friend,
it is your job to ensure that your friends are doing what they should do. The
job description of friendship includes watching out for other people. Sometimes,
friends do what they do not want to do. Be understanding. Challenge them to
become better through example. Do not put on your friends, the kind of weight
you know they cannot bear. Instead, inspire them. Everyone has a learning curve
to undergo. Give them time to outgrow the initial challenges. One day, when
they realise your worth, they will thank you for it.
You reap what you sow
Do unto others what you would have them do to you. If you have not been
in a person’s situation before, you might judge them wrongly. One size does not
usually fit all; everyone has their own size. So, if you seek commitment from
others, be a committed person too. You will mainly reap what you sow. When you
sow mangoes, do not expect to harvest potatoes. If you sow sex before marriage,
you should not be surprised if your spouse gives you a harvest of infidelity
later on. When you loot public funds, do not be surprised if in future, theft
and robbery consistently befalls some of your offspring. The sow-and-reap
theory applies to almost every situation. Oftentimes than not, people reap
fruits after the nature of what they sow. Be careful of what you do to affect
other people.
