Interview with Mr. Farooq Kolawole

Q: You were an active AISEC member, a computer science student and the team leader of a dance group while in the University. How were you able to combine all these activities with your undergraduate studies?

A: I will say it has a lot to do with planning or how you plan your day. I had to plan my time. My study was my primary assignment and the others were voluntary. I was not doing everything at the same time. At a particular time I would be with AISEC and at other times, I would be with my dance group. And anytime there was a conflict between both sides of my responsibilities, I gave my studies a higher priority.

Q: Tell us about your dance group. How did you go about founding it?

A: That’s the funny thing. In my first year, I wanted to participate in extracurricular activities so I joined a Christian dance group on campus though I am a Muslim. But towards my second year, the team was not very functional so I left to form a dance group. A friend and I actually left to form TNT. That was how it came up.

Q: You mentioned TNT. What does that stand for?

A: TNT is a chemical bomb made from an explosive compound called trinitrotoluene. As at that time, it was the most explosive substance we knew so and we wanted our dance group to be the bomb. So that was the idea behind it.

Q: What were your challenges working with people from different backgrounds? Did you find it easy to coordinate your members?

A: The most difficult things to control are human beings. They can be inconsistent and unpredictable. But I was an open-minded and easy going person that knew when to be firm and when to be very friendly. I also had executive assistants who could help me too. I actually wanted TNT to grow so I brought in some other good leaders to help in founding and coordinating the activities. They say your overall success depends on 50% of your own success and 50% of the success of the next set of leaders. So, I brought some people in to assist in making things happen in the group.

Q: Can you mention some of the people that assisted you in the formation of your group?

A: There were Adedeji Adeyinka and Fatoye Adewole. Adedeji was more the manager. He helped us get news about upcoming events and shows where we could perform or display our talent. And Fatoye was more like the dance coordinator; during rehearsals, I always handed over to him.

Q: You are currently serving as National Youth Service (NYSC) Corps member in Lagos Nigeria and we understand that you are a Java Certified specialist or programmer or developer. So, do you intend to proceed along the line of dance or are diversifying into programming?

A: Ha-ha! Well, Yes, I happen to be a Java programmer. I still have plans to into programming. I always tell my friends that dancing was just an extracurricular activity. I don’t intend to go into it professionally. I actually want to pursue my computer science career and if there was any extracurricular activity I wish I could pursue professionally, it would be soccer and not dancing (laughs).

Q: Talking of career now, five years down the land from now, where do you intend to be?

A: I actually wanted to be a programmer and since the beginning of this year, I set a goal to pass the Java programming examination and I am happy to have achieved that already. But now the government posted me to a telecommunications company for my National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) programme and I asked them about their Java programs and they said it’s predefined and they don’t use locally written ones so I cannot work on it. So it depends on what happens after my service. If I am retained at the company as a staff after my NYSC, I will probably do more of telecoms work. But if otherwise, I will move on with my programming.

Q: Are you in a relationship and if it’s a serious one, who is the lucky lady?

A: You are actually asking this question at a delicate time (laughs) because I used to have someone in my life until yesterday night (laughs again). So can you see now? It got complicated yesterday night so I would say I am actually in a complicated relationship. So, I’d tell you I am in a complicated relationship.

Q: You must have had certain life challenges growing up as a youth leader in Nigeria, What are some of these challenges and what has been your driving force?

A: I have had some challenges but I can say I have been quite lucky. I have not had the kind of challenges other people have. My challenges have mainly been in my academics but my parents have been my driving force. They were always there for me. I actually have "this" love for them and want to make them proud. I see my success as their success. And God has been always good to me though I don’t know why.

Q: It is normal for go-getters to have one or two inspiring persons or sources of inspiration. What and who are they?

A: I was firstly inspired by Bill Gates. Not because of his money but because I like things that build up and computer has a lot to do with building logical structures and Microsoft is more of programming stuffs. So, that was why I chose Bill Gates. Then, in my religion, I am often inspired by our Prophet Mohammed. But I get motivated by anyone who is successful at what they are doing. I admire my Dad too.

Q: Can we know your core values and areas of interests besides dance and Information technology?

A: Firstly my religion, then my passion and then discipline. Apart from dance and IT, I love athletics, football. I believe passion comes with hard work. I don’t believe people are born geniuses; your capabilities grow with practice over time.

Q: So, how do you unwind from the Lagos stress and activity?

A: I enjoy my friends company. As long as I have my friends around, I catch my trips. Though I don’t smoke or drink. I play computer soccer and adventure games.

Q: You are aware of the currently difficult economic situation in Nigeria: the severe unemployment condition that has led many youths to involvement in diverse derogatory activities. What are opinions on the issue and your advice for the Nigerian Government?

A: I believe the number one problem with Nigeria is that we are not well united. Government is bound to make mistakes once in a while but Nigerians are not patriotic so it is difficult to correct those in government. Through patriotism, we can put the right person in office. To have a good economy, you must have a good government and to have a good government, we must be well united. Government workers are corrupt and unpatriotic so they themselves resist change at the civic level. Only a few people are ready to do anything for Nigeria. I actually have an NGO (Non-Governmental Organisation) under incubation as my own contribution to Nigeria’s development.

Q: What are your plans for your NGO in year 2012?

A: It is a project called Nigeria Professional Patriots but it is more like an NGO that is going to help the economy based on inputs from different professionals who will work together to provide vital infrastructures or services that government and its workers are providing insufficiently or not offering at all. The only challenge we have now is human resource insufficiency. For instance, as a programmer I and two other friends are working on creating a database that will contain non-confidential data about all our citizens; more like a national directory. Currently, it’s just three of us working on the project.

Valentine Insights (2): Post-Valentine Talk

What unfaithful wives say when questioned about their husbands is always associated with giving. They say their men do not give their selves and resources. When they do not give their selves, the men are “watching football instead of their wives’ beauty”, “not available in the sitting room when actually needed”, “not helping with any house chore”, “going out with their cliques instead of them, their wives”, “more absent from the bedroom than can be tolerated”, “seeing other woman”, “not as romantic as the persistent bad guys at the office and restaurant”, while the withdrawal or withholding of resources often mean, they are “not providing them with any or adequate money”, “not giving them gifts and surprises”, “not appearing as sexy as they used to be”, “not spending time with them in the garden” and “not sharing their new cars with them”.

Well, while I agree that infidelity is a punishable sin, I have breaking news as regards the other issues! Ladies, your man may not resemble in future the same machismo you see today. The sideburns may turn bushy or disappear, his head may go bald and the expensive gifts may not come as often they do now. Remember that there may be expensive maintenance fees to pay. You must know the man you want and want the man you know. Forget all those Alice-in-Wonderland ideas you read in novels, unless stated otherwise, they are merely some writer’s imaginations and I could write you one too if you like.

But the one thing that cuts across every form of relationship is communication and without it, there can be no real interaction. Bridging the gap and telling the other person exactly how feel even when it is clear that they should initiate the talking is an effective approach. To overcome the barriers to building a good "ship", you must confront the problems carefully with the aim of solving them. Don’t ignore what you don’t want to see in marriage, talk about it and reach an agreement on it. Guys, I have said these before in the first part of this article, know yourself and know her and don’t learn in bachelorhood what you will have to unlearn in marriage. For instance, I think it is pointless to start opening the car's door for her now and not continue doing so after marriage. If you cannot sustain an enjoyable habit, overcome the temptation to even start or relgularise it.

Dear spinsters and sisters, we know you’ve got so much power, but don’t misuse it. The heartbeat of your marital relationships will actually depend on you. Your choices and how you are able to support and influence your men will matter a lot. You are only as powerful as the measure of value (not necessarily financial) you place on your self. While the ideas you are reading are hopefully going to inform your decisions, you are implored not to take them as a compedium of operating dogma but as mere considerable facts. Similarly, you will be wiser if you drop the opinions of persons whose marriages are not working and go to learn from those whose marriages have lasted and are booming. You cannot learn how to be truthful from a liar neither can you learn the concentrated truths about marital life from a bachelor. The best persons to teach you are seasoned and successful married persons. Sometimes, they are difficult to identify but the fruits they bear often give them away. If unsure about your choice couple, ask their housemates or kids about their marriage and you will know whether to consult them. Once chosen, it will do you a lot of good to share your feelings about your relationships with them and seek practical advice.

Though majority of men have been polygamists since the year chimpanzees discovered how to stand, you could make yours different. Men respond to what they see and do what the society permits. So, if most men find it difficult to be contented with their singular spouses in the twenty first century, some things have gone wrong. It’s either that some fathers did not show good examples or some mothers did not teach their sons the difference between a tap and a penis. Therefore, it is the partial responsibility of women to introduce and sustain monogamy in this age. Ladies too must teach their guys to endure the temptations of eroticism by not zipping down for them before marriage. Not everyone can do what they have not learnt. So, some guys cannot exhibit self-control if you don’t teach them. And, how do you expect a guy who has had sex with all sorts of women before he met you and probably had sex with you before marriage to keep away from other women after marrying you? Come on, guys like toys and the only thing you can do about that is to teach each to be satisfied with his own.

Men who have always had “their way” before marriage will know it as the only way. And if they don’t get it from their wives for any reasons, those bad girls out there will be too willing to give them. Ladies, remember that you’d get pregnant and have to spend great time with the babies. So, ask yourselves what your man is going to be doing then. Counting the ceiling squares? Strolling with the dogs? Singing to the flowers? Uh-uh! Now, does it mean it is impossible to keep a faithful man? No. But it is much work for you if the man himself has not found reasons to be faithful. It is possible to keep a faithful man when the man is willing and if you are helping him. But you (lady) have a major role to play. You must discover who he is, or his career direction, if he hasn’t already, before marrying him. Then you must encourage him in that direction. He should have something he wants to do ultimately with his life for which he will need your support. A man who sees sex, money and kids as more important than an ultimate life goal will find it easier to fail you because the absence or presence of such factors in his life will matter to him more than his wife. As such, cheating will come normally based on his disposition towards his marriage. Once in marriage, it is quite difficult to naturally reverse this. Old dogs never hardly learn new tricks.

That said, it is paramount for both parties to readily communicate and agree to always resolve their misunderstandings within the shortest possible time. You would do well to evaluate your relationship at regular intervals and tell each other the truth. Doing likewise in marriage with the intention of remaining faithful will help prevent infidelity. If you both fear God, that’s a great plus for your relationship. And though I am not married, I am very sure that identifying several common interests and planning your activities around such is a readily formidable strategy for ensuring loyalty before and after marriage. In reiteration, you’ll need to talk to more experienced and exemplary marriage partners before and after getting married because what you have just read is not absolute and may not specifically apply to your situation. Best of choices in your relationship, cheers!

Valentine Insights (1)

Today is February 14 in several almanacs around the world and for that reason, many things will happen. Red and pink colours will come alive. Many proposals will finally come. New love will be found. True love will be rekindled. But unfortunately, not a few hearts will be broken. Right from this moment, just after reading this article, sham love and true lust will burn away. Love could even be tested. Maybe yours will be spared or maybe not. It ultimately depends on you. You have your will. Yet, what you are about to read may inform your decision. Whichever way, reader's discretion is strongly advised and you are deemed forearmed.

While pan-African ethos identifies monogamous marriage as the union of a man with a woman, liberalism permits monogamy to be described as matrimony to just one person by another regardless of their sexual composition. In the Nigerian context, it is believed that a man who subscribes to monogamy is willing to live with one woman for as long as she remains alive or restraints herself from certain abominable practices that could lead to connubial separation. And because divorce is not an original element of the Nigerian marriage tradition, it was hardly considered whenever issues of marital disputes arose. Back then, once a man had established a proven contention against his wife, the way forward was to separate from her. He could send her away, back to her fathers’ house or wherever else she was released from. So, until the doors of civilisation and liberality publicised divorce as an option under legal tenets, partners who could no longer enjoy marriage only hoped to survive and endure it unto death.

But that era has said its goodbyes to developed countries and is fast fading out in Africa too. Sometimes, or indeed often times, several monogamists exceed the boundaries of their conjugal oaths and create intimacy with people other than their co-covenantees. They cheat on each other and argue disloyalty issues in the presence of aspiring couples to the point of chaos. They confuse the nubile and unmarried folks who are quickly moved to wonder if marriage is equivalent to “complicated misunderstandings”. Many ladies wonder why married men of the 21st century crave to have sexual affairs with women other than the ones they husband and a considerable number of wives complain that their monogamist husbands cheat on them repeatedly. “Why do those men find it difficult to keep their sacred vows?” they ask. “Why can’t they keep their zips up outside their matrimonial zones?” Perhaps, it is a mystery of the new age traceable to the past of African ancestors. Are we not going back to where we came from? Or maybe, like some say, it is proof that the world is headed for a socially disarray unit. Whichever is true, the truth is that male infidelity holds and is prospering in this century. However, there is guilt on the other side too. A considerable amount of married women are not uninvolved in the game of nuptial infidelity as some of them play ping pong with adultery. They cheat on their husbands and do so even after birthing a few kids. Those who do not cheat sexually are often accused of sustaining emotional intimacy with men other than their husbands. So, in the end, it appears like a two-sided coin resting on no flat side.

Since the use of statistics may paint one side guiltier than the other, it will not apply here. Establishing guilt neither guarantees absolute contrition nor provides genuine solution. But the identification of root causes creates a measure of progress towards attacking the problem source. And, that should be our aim. Common complaints heard on the lips of cheating husbands about their wives are: she is “too wild to be tamed”, “too greedy to be satisfied”, “seeing someone else too”, “too experienced and selfish to claim monogamy”, “no longer the sweet-sixteen I married”, “too disrespectful and disobedient” or “too stubborn to listen”. Bachelors and blokes, those are great lessons for you. Marriage, as many do not know it, is something beyond bachelorhood and singleness. In marriage, variety is not the spice of life and what you see may not be what you get. If you do not want to find yourself struggling to unlearn a habit in marriage, don’t even bother imbibing it while single. If you have a deep-seated robust feeling somewhere inside you that she would not like it, stop it now. Or, watch it create many troubles for you later.

Guys and gents, three more things: know your best, be sure of your worst and know the duo about her too. Don’t expect too much from her or exceed her limits in your expectations. All the make-up, weave-on, toned-skin, pretty face, shaped lashes, etc, that you see now won’t always be there because you‘d be living together and shouldn’t think she’d have them on her face in the kitchen, bathroom, toilet and while asleep. If you love seeing them on her countenance, you may have to always talk her into using them many times after child-bearing, except if you’re so lucky that it’s her habit. There’ll even be days when you’d wake up on the bed and look sideways and feel like asking yourself, “Who is this?” or maybe “Why the heck did I marry this woman?” That figure-eight you see today will not be there forever. And it is actually true that the towers you see up there today will come down with age and time. Gentlemen, you will have to work with her patiently, communicate your needs clearly and be truly committed to keep the fire burning.

To be continued...

Note To Whom It May Concern:

Supposing certain ideas contained in this article as the writer’s preference is wrong because they do not imply the writer’s choice of the opposite sex or basis for any other ideas. Any mathematics done in that regard may be ultimately erroneous. If in doubt, simply ask.

Talking to Oga Police

Image obtained from: http://mccoy.lib.siu.edu/jmccall/otherafricas/img/police%28corruption%29.jpg

There are a few good men in the Nigerian police force just as there are still good Christians and some non-business venture churches in Nigeria. One of them is the policeman who found my family 's stolen car at Offa in 1999 and returned it back to us when he could have easily sold the new thing to some fraudster or innocent buyer. Knowing the good man he was, I doubt if he is still in the force, surviving these times. That was a family encounter. But the first time I had an encounter with policemen was bad. They thought Emmandus (a coursemate and friend) and I who were night-surfing for assignment data at a cybercafé close to the University school gate were among yahoo boys. I was lucky not have received their portion of slaps offering that day. But, a boy I still pity till date, a final year student was given the slap of his life after showing the naive policemen his final year project's hard copy, in which his supervisor had recommended overnight changes. So he came to browse that night and was on Yahoo! page conducting searches. He protested and denied being a yahoo boy and got a low-pitched slap. It was the sound of the heavy hit that woke me up into their arrest. But that’s a story for another day.

Very recently, a Nigerian policeman wearing his full attire (excluding the cap but including a torn bullet proof) and carrying an AK47 halted a NAPEP bike (keke marwa). He then approached the bike at the right side and commanded two young male passengers to alight from the machine. (Emmy, my final year roomie and friend, had just gone to book his flight ticket and we were together. We had set out in the morning and were on our way back home when the policeman found us suitable for an afternoon encounter). This conversation ensued among the three of us somewhere around Coker in Lagos:

Policeman: come out, the two you!

Though surprised that he was referring to just the two of us, we obeyed. At least, here was a uniformed, proof-wearing policeman giving instructions with a firearm.

Policeman: what is inside that bag? Open it!

Myself: I just bought this bag sir. There is nothing inside (I removed a travelling bag I had just bought from a transparent nylon and stripped it of its cellophane protection).

Dissatisfactorily satisfied, he faces Emmy

Policeman: what of you? Open your bag!

Emmy obliged. But to prevent time wastage and because I sensed a latent penchant for cash, especially left over change from flight ticket purchase, I wanted to speak. Besides, at the sight of the cash, the policeman’s eyes briskly glowed. He was perhaps, already feeling lucky like a newbie surfing the old google.com homepage. Of course Emmy had a lot of NYSC and NCCF stuffs in his bag, from pamphlets, to forms. So, what exactly was this man looking for? A lion? Drugs? Yahoo yahoo laptop? Used condoms? Banned alcohol? Herbalist’s charms? Human head? Stolen Vehicle? Oh, maybe a missing yatch! I couldn’t figure it out but he had the full rights to do what he was doing anyway. So, we had to chill out. We sure weren’t dressed irresponsibly but I had to take a second look at what we were wearing to confirm so. Yet, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Is this man confused?”

Myself: Sir, we are NYSC members

Turning to Emmy again, what of you?

Policeman: What of you?

Emmy: I am also a corps member.

Policeman: okay where is your identity?

By now, I could perceive the strong smell of alcohol oozing out of his throat, as he spoke.

Myself: well, I am not with it right now. My house is within this neighbourhood. Emmy did you take yours?

Emmy: No.

Myself: okay sir. We have other forms of identification like varsity ID, membership IDs, driver’s license and ATM cards. I suppose they are valid forms of identification too?

Policeman: Yes, let me see. Okay. (Turning to Emmy) what of you? Where is your own?

Emmy: Here it is.

Policeman: So what business do you do?

I instantly guessed it was just about the money, the ticket change, he had spotted while ransacking Emmy’s bag.

Myself: sir, we are NYSC members!

Policeman: Oh! Okay. You should have told me now. I was once a corper too.

At that utterance, I could not hold back a knowing grin and pitiful nod, while thinking “We really should have told you more than three times.”

Myself: okay. Can we go now?

Policeman: You can go.

After walking away for a while, Emmy and I busted into serious laughter. And it struck me that though certain Nigerian policemen profess to be hungry and in need of money, there is a kind of hunger that can make a man deaf. I tilted my head over my shoulder one more time and a second smile ran across my lips. There is more to life than meets the eye.

Abbreviations

*AK-47 means Avtomat Kalashnikova-47, a clip-fed, gas-operated assault rifle designed by Avtomat

**ATM means Automated Teller Machine

***NAPEP means National Poverty Eradication Programme

****NCCF means Nigeria Christian Corpers' Fellowship

*****NYSC means National Youth Service Corps

******Oga means boss or a casual sign of respect